Your Feedback Sucks (Here’s How to Fix It)
Forget vague praise and awkward corrections, here’s how to deliver feedback that builds trust and sparks real improvement.
If decision-making is the engine that drives progress, feedback is the steering wheel. It’s how we improve our work, strengthen our relationships, and evolve as people.
And yet, most people are terrible at giving it.
We either avoid saying the hard thing and hope they “figure it out,” or we charge in too bluntly and do more harm than good. Some of us only give feedback when something goes wrong. Others only offer praise when the outcome is shiny and successful.
But here’s the truth: good feedback is essential to growth.
It helps people see what they can’t see themselves, accelerating learning, and when delivered well, it strengthens trust instead of eroding it.
No matter what kind of business you’re building, you’re going to have to give feedback.
To a freelance designer who’s missed the mark on your brand.
To a partner whose priorities don’t quite align.
To a new hire still figuring out how you work.
No business is built in isolation.
And the more skilled you are at giving feedback, the more effectively you’ll be able to lead, collaborate, and build something that lasts.
This article builds on last week’s piece about making better decisions. If that was about evaluating your own process, this is about supporting someone else’s.
Today, I’ll share my process for how to do it right, with insights from Annie Duke (Thinking in Bets), Kim Scott (Radical Candor), and Erin Meyer (The Culture Map).
Focus on the Process, Not the Outcome
When we give feedback, most of us default to judging results.
The project succeeded? “Great work.”
It failed? “What went wrong?”
But outcomes are noisy. Sometimes people make great decisions and still lose. Other times, they get lucky despite a shaky plan.
That’s the key insight from Thinking in Bets: you can’t evaluate performance just by looking at the result. You have to dig into how the decision was made in the first place.
Here’s the thing: A good process is repeatable. Good luck is not.
If someone followed a thoughtful, well-structured approach (even if the outcome fell short), you can build on that. You can tweak, adjust, try again.
But if they stumbled into a win through guesswork? That’s not a foundation, it’s a fluke.
When you give feedback on process, you’re helping someone build a system they can trust. That’s where real improvement happens.
For example, I once got an email from my CMO congratulating me on running a successful product launch campaign. But he didn’t stop there. He asked me what we did that worked.
I told him that the product marketer had been deeply embedded with the product team and looped me in early, so we had time to plan a thoughtful campaign. That coordination made all the difference; we couldn’t have pulled it together with only a few days of notice.
The takeaway? The strong results weren’t just about me. They were about a process we could repeat.
Process Feedback In Practice
Instead of: “This launch didn’t hit our numbers. What went wrong?”
Try: “Walk me through how you approached the rollout. What signals were you looking at? What trade-offs were you weighing?”
Instead of: “You crushed it!”
Try: “I loved the way you prioritized speed over polish here. That seemed to unlock real momentum. What made you decide to do that?”
Instead of: “Next time, just start with the conclusion.”
Try: “Can you walk me through why you structured it that way? I’m curious about how you thought about the flow, and I wonder if leading with the takeaway could make it land faster.”
When you reward good thinking, especially when the result is mixed, you reinforce habits that can be repeated, refined, and scaled.
That’s what makes someone better over time, not just lucking into a good day.
Be Kind and Clear
One thing I’ve learn from building and leading high-performing teams in high-pressure environments is this: giving great feedback isn’t about being nice or being harsh; it’s about being clear, thoughtful, and aligned on what matters.
That’s the core of Radical Candor, Kim Scott’s framework for better feedback. She describes it as the balance between caring personally and challenging directly. Most people lean too far in one direction:
They soften the message to avoid discomfort.
Or they charge ahead with blunt criticism that leaves people defensive.
But neither of those helps someone improve.
The most effective feedback is both honest and human.
It doesn’t dodge the hard stuff, but it delivers it with empathy and specificity.
Be specific. “This could be better” is vague. “The intro doesn’t clearly frame the takeaway” is useful.
Don’t delay. Feedback decays fast. Waiting a week (or a month) dulls its impact.
Show your intent. Start with trust: “I’m sharing this because I know you’re capable of great work, and I want to help you get there.”
Kind and Clear Feedback in Practice
Instead of vague feedback: “This isn’t working.”
Try something more specific: “The structure is a bit unclear—especially the middle section. I think it would land better if we led with the insight and then backed it up.”
Instead of personal attacks: “You need to be more confident in meetings.”
Try supportive suggestions: “I noticed you had a solid idea in today’s meeting, but hesitated to speak up. I’d love to see you share it earlier next time, your perspective really adds value.”
Instead of ignoring the problem: [Silence when something’s slightly off]
Try providing timely clarity: “Can I share a quick thought on how we might tighten this up? I think a small tweak could make a big difference.”
Done well, feedback builds both confidence and competence. It makes people feel seen, not just judged. And it sets the tone for a culture where improvement is normal, not personal.
Mind the Cultural Context
One of the trickiest things about giving feedback? What feels “honest” to you might feel harsh or confusing to someone else. That’s because feedback norms vary widely across cultures.
In The Culture Map, Erin Meyer places countries along a spectrum from direct to indirect negative feedback styles:
Very direct: In places like the Netherlands, Germany, and Israel, blunt critique is expected. Feedback is delivered plainly and often publicly. It’s seen as efficient, not personal.
Moderately direct: Countries like France, Russia, and Australia lean toward directness, but often add a layer of intellectual framing or justification.
Moderately indirect: In cultures like the U.K., Brazil, or Mexico, feedback is usually softened with polite phrasing or wrapped in social cues.
Very indirect: In Japan, Korea, Thailand, and much of Southeast Asia, feedback is delivered with extreme subtlety. Criticism may be implied rather than stated, and directness can feel disrespectful, or even humiliating.
The U.S. hybrid: In the United States, we tend to use the “feedback sandwich”: a compliment, then the critique, then another compliment. Often, the message is so softened that it gets lost.
In the Culture Map, Erin shares a true story about a French executive working at a U.S. company that illustrates these differences well.
The French executive thought she was thriving. Her American boss kept saying things like:
“Great work on this...”
“Really strong effort…”
“Just a few small tweaks to improve…”
So she kept doing what she was doing.
But behind the scenes? Her boss was on the verge of firing her. He thought he’d been clear that her performance needed serious improvement, and he was not seeing any progress.
Why the disconnect? In France, negative feedback is often direct and unfiltered. So when her boss wrapped criticism in praise (as Americans often do) she didn’t register it as serious. It felt like encouragement. Meanwhile, he thought he was being clear without being cruel.
Same conversation. Totally different takeaways.
Mind the Cultural Context in Practice
Here’s an example of how you might deliver feedback differently based on different cultural norms.
With a German colleague who is used to very direct feedback:
“This report misses the mark in a few places. Let’s walk through what’s not working.”
With a Japanese colleague who used to very subtle feedback:
“Thanks for pulling this together. I have a few suggestions for how we might strengthen the analysis. Happy to talk through them when you have a moment.”
Same core message. Different delivery. Both can be thoughtful, respectful, and effective.
Warning: Cultural norms are just that. They’re patterns, not rules, and individuals within a culture vary.
For example, I’m from Canada, where politeness and diplomacy are valued over directness but I’ve felt very at home in NYC, where the feedback is typically quite direct, as I prefer it.
You might have a Brazilian teammate who loves blunt feedback. Or a Dutch colleague who appreciates a little warmth first. That’s why it’s worth checking in rather than assuming.
Ask, don’t guess. A simple “How do you prefer to get feedback?” goes a long way.
Adapt your delivery, not your standards. You can still be honest and clear. Just meet people where they are.
Watch how they give feedback, too. That’s often a clue to how they want to receive it.
Feedback Is a Gift—And a Skill
Giving effective feedback that builds trust and drives improvement is hard, but it’s something you can get better at with practice.
Whether you’re working with employees, collaborators, or creative partners, your ability to give useful, respectful feedback will shape how people grow around you, and how your business grows, too.
Just like decision-making, it’s a skill you can build:
Focus on the process, not just the outcome.
Be clear and honest without being unkind.
And adjust for context: cultural, personal, and situational.
The more intentional you are with your feedback, the more likely it is to land and lead to real improvement.
To endless possibilities,
Casandra
💬 Discussion topic: What are the cultural norms for giving feedback where you’re from? Do your preferences differ? I’d love to hear your point of view in the comments!
Ahhh very cool! Thank you for sharing it, I hope it's helpful for them!
I resonate with your article. As a former manager with 30 years of experience working with teams from different cultural, religious, and skill backgrounds, I can say that giving feedback was never easy. I’ve always tried to listen first, as it helps me understand and appreciate the dynamics of working with different nationalities. I think I learned more from my team members than they did from me! I just adapted along the way so I could give them the feedback they needed. And I’ve found that being polite and treating people like human beings is a plus in any situation.