You know the feeling.
You’ve hit your goals, shipped important work, and cleared your inbox. You’re doing all the right things. And yet…you feel like you might fall apart if someone asks you for one more thing.
For entrepreneurs, builders, and ambitious people, this state can feel terrifying. You’ve optimized everything—your time, your team, your tools—but your body still feels like it’s stuck in fifth gear, with no off switch.
If that sounds familiar, you’re not alone. And you’re definitely not broken.
According to Emily and Amelia Nagoski, co-authors of Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle, the real problem isn’t your calendar or your willpower—it’s that most of us never complete the stress cycle.
We solve the problem. We close the deal. We squash the bug.
But our nervous system doesn’t get the message that it’s safe to exhale.
A few years ago, this used to be my normal.
I’d wake up already braced for stress, eyes darting to my inbox before I even left bed. My brain was always buzzing with ideas, to-dos, and deadlines. And honestly? That kind of high-alert mode worked. I got things done, hit goals, and felt like I was killing it.
But I could never fully relax.
Even when I wasn’t working, my body stayed on high alert. I couldn’t shake the tension, like I was bracing for a notification that never came.
It wasn’t that I was doing too much.
It’s that I never gave myself a way to come down. I was amped up on cortisol and had no idea how to unwind.
Then I read Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle by Emily and Amelia Nagoski, and something clicked.
Today, I’ll explain the stress cycle, why it matters for performance and well-being, and the ten research-backed ways to complete it. This is especially useful for people building big things under big pressure.
Let’s get into it
The burnout problem isn’t just in your head.
The problem isn’t your mindset or your productivity habits.
The problem is unfinished stress.
Stressors and stress are two different things.
Stressors are the things that cause stress: emails, deadlines, financial worries, conflict, etc.
Stress is your body's physical, chemical, and emotional reaction to those things.
You can eliminate the stressor (e.g., answer the email or resolve the conflict), but your body still needs to complete the stress cycle. If it doesn’t, that stress lingers in your system like trapped energy.
Over time, those unfinished loops pile up. That’s burnout.
What science says about the stress cycle.
In evolutionary terms, our stress response is a survival mechanism. When you see a threat, your body floods with adrenaline and cortisol to help you run, fight, or hide.
But today’s threats don’t require a sprint through the jungle. They’re more like passive-aggressive emails or an overflowing calendar. And our bodies don’t always get the memo that it’s over.
Imagine you’re out picking berries and a lion starts chasing you. Your body instantly kicks into survival mode—heart racing, muscles tensing, adrenaline flooding your system—all designed to help you escape. You run like hell and make it safely back to your village. Once you’re there, you collapse into the arms of your people. You tremble. You cry. You shout about what happened. Your friends cheer. You dance around the fire, telling the story of your survival. That’s completing the stress cycle.
You don’t just escape the lion. You process the experience—physically, emotionally, and socially. Your body gets the message: “You’re safe now.”
While most of us aren’t literally being chased by lions in our daily lives, our bodies don’t know that. When we see an email about something important we forgot to do at work, we start to feel stressed, and our bodies kick into survival mode…just like if a lion were chasing us.
The problem is that modern life cuts the cycle short. You flee the “lion” (or in your case, reply to the urgent email), but there’s no collapse, no celebration, no communal release. So the stress stays stuck.
That’s why burnout isn’t just about what’s happening in your mind. It’s what’s unfinished in your body.
10 Ways to Complete the Stress Cycle
These body-based practices help signal to your nervous system: you’re safe now. They don’t fix your workload or life, but they help your body complete the loop so you don’t stay stuck in survival mode.
1. Move Your Body
According to the authors of Burnout, physical movement is the most effective way to complete the stress cycle. That’s because the original stress response was designed for literal survival by running, climbing, fighting, etc. Movement gets your blood pumping and your breath going. It’s your body’s version of the “all clear” signal.
I’ve also personally found exercise to be the most effective way to release stress. I always feel better after a run, but you can choose the movement that works for you.
How to Do It
Aim for 20–60 minutes of physical activity most days.
You can run, swim, bike, dance, or do whatever you enjoy most.
Even if you don’t have time for a full workout, just going for a walk or spending a few minutes tensing and releasing your muscles will help.
2. Breath Deeply
Slow, intentional breathing, especially with long exhales, directly activates your parasympathetic nervous system, which is responsible for rest, digestion, and recovery. When you breathe like you’re safe, your body starts to believe you are.
I frequently use this technique to stay calm while surfing and wind down in bed at night, and find it very effective.
How to Do It
The authors of Burnout recommend a 5-5-10-5 breathing pattern where you inhale for five seconds, hold your breath for 5 seconds, exhale fully for 10 seconds, and hold for 5 seconds before inhaling again.
The ancient yogic breath technique called pranayama (4-7-8 breathing) has also been shown to reduce stress.1 To do it, inhale for 4 seconds, hold for 7 seconds, and exhale for 8 seconds.
These breathing exercises can be done anytime you need to downregulate your stress response.
3. Laugh It Out
Laughter is a physical release. Not just a mood lifter, but a full-body shift. Deep, unforced belly laughter lowers cortisol and boosts endorphins, shaking your body out of stress and into joy.
How to Do It
Watch a stand-up special or comedy show that always gets you.
Text a friend your most unhinged meme.
Revisit a ridiculous moment that made you lose it.
4. Seek Out Positive Social Interaction
Even small, lighthearted interactions can help your nervous system downshift. Micro-connections remind your body that everything’s fine and you’re not alone. Safety isn’t just internal, it’s relational.
How to Do It
A friendly chat with your barista or neighbor.
Sending a voice note to a friend just saying hi.
Smiling at someone you pass on the street.
5. Hug for At Least 20 Seconds
A 20-second hug with someone you trust can change your hormones, lower your blood pressure and heart rate, and improve your mood. It’s long enough to activate oxytocin and tell your body: you’re safe now.
How to Do It
Hug someone you trust for at least 20 seconds.
Make sure you’re both centered, supporting your own weight while you hug.
The exact length of the hug isn’t as crucial as hugging until you feel a physical release of stress.
6. Kiss for at Least 6 Seconds
A six-second kiss may sound oddly specific, but according to the Nagoskis, it’s long enough to create genuine connection and activate the body’s calming systems. When shared with someone you trust, it can reduce stress and increase oxytocin, a hormone associated with bonding and safety.
This isn’t about romance or escalation but presence and regulation. A short kiss can signal to your nervous system that you’re safe and supported.
How to Do It
Share a six-second kiss with someone you trust and care about.
Let it be slow, intentional, and relaxed.
Focus on the connection, not what comes next.
7. Snuggle With a Pet
Even if you don’t have a human you trust and can share affection with, snuggling with a pet can be a surprisingly effective way to complete the stress cycle, too. Physical touch, rhythmic breathing, and the soothing presence of a nonjudgmental companion can help your body downshift from survival mode to calm.
Animals don’t ask for context or conversation, they just are. That quiet companionship can have a deeply regulating effect.
How to Do It
Sit or lie down with your pet and gently stroke their fur.
Pay attention to their breathing and try to match it.
Let yourself be still, quiet, and present.
8. Cry It Out
Crying is a natural biological process designed to help your body release emotional intensity. When you allow yourself to cry—really cry—you’re helping your nervous system complete an emotional arc.
This isn’t about “breaking down.” It’s about letting go. Even if you don’t feel better right away, your body will.
How to Do It
Let tears come without trying to stop them.
Cue it with music, journaling, or a scene from a movie if it helps.
Don’t rush to stop it or feel guilty; crying is a very effective way to release stress.
9. Express Yourself Creatively
Creativity is one of the most underrated tools for emotional regulation. When you’re stuck in stress but can’t articulate it, making something—anything—can help you metabolize that experience through color, shape, sound, or story.
You don’t have to be “artistic” to do this. You just have to be willing to express what you’re feeling in a new way.
How to Do It
Draw, sing, dance, or write—whatever feels intuitive.
Focus on process, not product.
Let the act of creating be the release.
10. Do a Cold Plunge
While it’s not included in the book, I’ve found cold plunges to be quite effective, too. Research suggests that cold plunges can provide both short- and long-term benefits for completing the stress cycle.
One study found a significant stress reduction 12 hours after cold water immersion,2 while another found that people who become acclimated from repeated cold exposure experience a decrease in sympathetic activation (fight or flight) and shift towards parasympathetic activation (rest and digest).3
Cold plunging gives your body a controlled stressor to work through and a clear endpoint. That built-in arc can help your nervous system remember what recovery feels like, training your body to recover quickly after a stress response.
It’s not for everyone, but many people find that even brief exposure to cold helps them feel more alert, calm, and grounded afterward.
How to Do It
Start with a temperature that feels uncomfortable but doable.
Slowly work your way in, taking breaks if needed. Once fully submerged up to your neck, spend 1-5 minutes depending on your tolerance.
Focus on slow breathing during the exposure, especially long exhales.
How Do You Know If You’ve Completed the Stress Cycle?
One of the most common questions is: How do I know if it worked?
The stress cycle doesn’t come with a completion checkmark, but your body does give you signals when the loop has been closed.
Here are a few signs to look for:
You feel a shift. That might mean a deep breath, a sigh, a yawn, or an emotional release like tears or laughter.
You feel more present. Your thoughts slow down. You’re less reactive. You feel in your body again, rather than outside of it.
You feel emotionally lighter. The problem may still exist, but the charge around it has softened. You’re not buzzing with tension anymore.
You experience a physical release. Your shoulders drop. Your jaw unclenches. You might feel warmth or calm wash over you.
You’re able to rest. You feel like you could sleep or don’t need to be on guard anymore.
You don’t have to feel amazing for it to count. You just need to notice that something has shifted, even slightly.
It’s also normal to need more than one strategy or revisit a few in the same day. Think of it like brushing your teeth: it works best when it’s regular and consistent rather than a heroic once-in-a-while effort.
Try This: A Quick Reflection
After you try one of the techniques to complete the stress cycle, take a moment to check in with yourself. You can do this mentally or jot it down in a journal:
What am I feeling in my body right now?
What changed (if anything) since before I started?
Do I feel calmer, grounded, connected, or open?
What might my body need next?
There’s no right answer, just curiosity.
The more you practice noticing these shifts, the easier it becomes to tell when a stress cycle has been completed.
To endless possibilities,
Casandra
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What a great read and easy reference. Though I hate a cold plunge — the science doesn’t lie. Personally I prefer pet snuggled and breath work but will need to try this 6 second kiss.
Loved this, Casandra.
So much of it hit home, especially that feeling of ‘killing it’ on the outside but slowly draining inside. I’ve felt like that probably in all the roles I’ve worked in tech during one time or another.
The clarity in how you name what’s in our control (and what isn’t) is right on.